There are so many online property listing sites in the market, and if you are searching for a house working an 8-5 Monday to Saturday you definitely don’t have time to go and walk around Nairobi looking for a house, kwanza if you have to walk around Kinoo, God forbid the thought of going to Githurai crosses your mind stress ina aanza pap, and lets not even get into Rongai you might get there tomorrow, anyway My sister wants a house and who better else to call than the Real Estate Guru to go house hunting with.
She saw this beautiful 1 bedroom house with pictures to die for straight from a magazine. It was only KES 8,000 I bet she had already chosen a color scheme, carpet, curtains and whatever else ladies do to houses that just make them magical. Reminds me of my place totally not magical and friends who are always insisting “Dee you need a lady in this house ata hauna curtains”, “Who cares about curtains bora kuna food kwa fridge” one of the many kind answers in my head don’t you wish that you could just say what is in your head especially to your boss?
1st RED FLAG
Immediately I saw the pictures of the house and the price, I knew that this was a con. I called my sister to hear about this magnificent KES 8,000 castle. The thing is she was so convinced that this was her dream house and her prayers had been answered, I just felt bad and did not want to burst her bubble, how do you tell somebody that their prayers have not been answered?
That’s just pure evil, but mimi nani after waiting for her to finish nika cheka and told her that this is just a scam and she should just let it go. The thing is if you want someone to take you seriously don’t laugh when you are telling them something serious, now I know.
So I called the number listed online and a man told me that the house had already been taken, I immediately called my sister and told her that the man on the phone said that the house had already been taken. Only for my small sister to call me and ask me “Dee nini uli fanya” and I’m like what do you mean and she’s like “Stella ama ni kasirikia” and I’m like sio mimi. Kumbe busting someone’s dream home bubble is not something you should be doing “Who knew, sikupata hio memo”
2nd RED FLAG
The next day my sister calls me and tells me that I lied to her and did not want her to get her dream house, remember what I said about speaking your mind? What do you mean I politely asked via my mouth but very impolitely in my brain, Kumbe she had called the listed number and some lady called Jane told her that the house was still available?
This is how these scams go. You call a number of a listed property and a man picks, he then tells you that the house is on demand and 5 people are ready to pay deposit, it’s always 5 people maybe it’s a conmen lucky number.
3rd RED FLAG
When you ask to view the property he tells you that he has just left but his wife “Jane” might be there to show you the house, he gives you the wife’s number and you quickly call Jane, Jane tells you that there are 5 people seriously interested in the property and one is just almost paying for the House, however if you pay a small amount she will hold the property for you
4th RED FLAG
At this point depending on the level of your stupidity and Naivety 2 things shall happen “That’s me speaking exactly what’s on my mind”
1. you shall realize that you should never pay money to strangers for items you have not seen or met.
2. you shall ask Jane to hold the house for you because it’s your answered prayer and Jane shall tell you that one of the 5 guys has already paid but if you give her the 1 months’ rent and deposit she will gladly refund the other tenants money and keep the house for you. But who are we kidding here, if you are already in this step you are a goner, and no amount of prayer and fasting shall save you from sending the 1 months’ rent and deposit to a stranger for a house you have not seen.
Thank God my mom raised no fools and my sister insisted to Jane that she must see the house before she sends the money. So she calls me and asks me to take her to Kiambu to see this beautiful KES 8,000 1 bedroom castle. Being the most awesome brother in the world totally cooler than yours and not wanting to get in the way of someone’s answered prayers and dream home who am I? Mimi Dee to refuse to take my awesome sister totally cooler than yours to see this beautiful KES 8,000 1 bedroom castle.
5th RED FLAG
We gladly get to, Riverside Estate in Kiambu and my sister calls Jane. Never mind they have been communicating for the last two days on how she shall come see the house, only for Jane to inform us that we are too late and the house has been taken.
I ask the nice watchman if there is any KES 8,000 1 bedroom castle for rent and he says that “hapa ni 4 Bedroom tu ziko Boss” huku ata hakuna 1 bedroom na bedsitter. I look at my sister and watch all her dreams of curtains, carpet, and color scheme totally shatter. I feel like hugging her and laughing at her at the same time, so many conflicting emotions in my head. You had better choose your next words wisely Dee the little voice in my head whispers and I remember my primary school Kiswahili teacher said; “Asiye funzwa na Ulimwengu mama yake sio muungwana”.